ConnemaraGuitar
01-01-2009, 01:24 PM
Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When you throw your banjo into the dumpster and it lands right on top of your accordian.
Q: What's the difference between an accordian and an onion?
A: No one cries when you cut up an accordian.
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a lawnmower?
A: You can tune a lawnmower.
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug in a vacuum cleaner before it sucks.
Musicians:
Q: What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: Why do drummers leave their drumsticks on the dashboard when they park?
A: So they can use the handicapped zones.
Q: How can you tell there's a drummer at the front door?
A: The knocking gradually gets faster and faster.
Q: Why do bands have a bass player?
A: To translate for the drummer.
Story: One day the bass player hid one of the drummer's drumsticks. The drummer said, "Finally! After all these years I'm a conductor!"
Q: Why are violins smaller than violas?
A: Actually, they're the same size...but violinists have bigger heads.
Q: How do you get a guitarist to turn down the volume?
A: Put sheet music in front of him.
Story:
A seven-year-old kid says to his dad, "When I grow up I want to be a musician."
Dad's response: "I'm sorry...you can't have it both ways.
And the grand finale:
"I'm lonely," Adam said to God in the Garden of Eden. "I need to have someone around for company."
"Okay," repled God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent and gracious...she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word."
"Sounds great," said Adam. "But what's she going to cost?"
"An arm and a leg," replied God.
"That's pretty steep," said Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"
Happy 2009, everyone!
A: When you throw your banjo into the dumpster and it lands right on top of your accordian.
Q: What's the difference between an accordian and an onion?
A: No one cries when you cut up an accordian.
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a lawnmower?
A: You can tune a lawnmower.
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug in a vacuum cleaner before it sucks.
Musicians:
Q: What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: Why do drummers leave their drumsticks on the dashboard when they park?
A: So they can use the handicapped zones.
Q: How can you tell there's a drummer at the front door?
A: The knocking gradually gets faster and faster.
Q: Why do bands have a bass player?
A: To translate for the drummer.
Story: One day the bass player hid one of the drummer's drumsticks. The drummer said, "Finally! After all these years I'm a conductor!"
Q: Why are violins smaller than violas?
A: Actually, they're the same size...but violinists have bigger heads.
Q: How do you get a guitarist to turn down the volume?
A: Put sheet music in front of him.
Story:
A seven-year-old kid says to his dad, "When I grow up I want to be a musician."
Dad's response: "I'm sorry...you can't have it both ways.
And the grand finale:
"I'm lonely," Adam said to God in the Garden of Eden. "I need to have someone around for company."
"Okay," repled God. "I'll give you the perfect companion. She is beautiful, intelligent and gracious...she'll cook and clean for you and never say a cross word."
"Sounds great," said Adam. "But what's she going to cost?"
"An arm and a leg," replied God.
"That's pretty steep," said Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"
Happy 2009, everyone!